Happily Ever After

Dear Nursery Rhyme Book-

Once upon a time, my family was eating a quiet dinner when a creepy monster appeared in our kitchen. Yes, a creepy monster entered our home through the back door, took my daughter’s vegetables off her plate, put them in my glass of water, scared my 1-year old into dumping his pasta on the floor, and then magically disappeared. It’s true. My 3-year old daughter said so.

Let me explain further. The four of us sit down to eat at 6pm like we do every night. My wife’s cell phone rings. She goes to answer it, and of course at that point, our son and daughter decide that’s the perfect time to sing Happy Birthday at the top of their lungs to no one in particular. So, my wife walks into the other room to take the call. I, mistakenly, leave the room as well to tend to a “work” matter. All of you parents know what’s coming next. Two children under the age of 4 are at a full dinner table by themselves. Let the games begin.

My 3-year old daughter likes vegetables as much as I like house cleaning on a fall Saturday. FYI, I love college football; I don’t love cleaning. So, she thinks “Hmmm, vegetables on my plate, parents out of the room, time for the vegetables to disappear.” Smart thought really. Instead of ushering the veggies to the trash can (would have been a wise move); she dumps them into my glass of water.

My 22-month old son has reached the stage where he dislikes any food not ending in an “-ocolate.” He finishes his hymn, looks around, no mommy, no daddy, time to make the spaghetti and red sauce vanish. I know, I know, we’re idiots for leaving a 2ish year old with red sauce by himself. He’s buckled into a booster seat, so there’s two places for this pasta to go. Option one, in his tummy. Not an option. Option two, on the floor. Great option.

Two minutes and 36 seconds later, my wife and I meet back in the kitchen. At my spot, I have carrots and peas floating in my drinking glass. It’s a poor man’s V-8 or I guess a V-2. And, on the other side of the table is nothing. No plate, no pasta, no peas, no carrots, no RED SAUCE. You know why it’s not on the table, because it’s on the floor. I glare at the oldest one. And, now let’s get back to our nursery rhyme.

“Daddy, look in your water glass. The creepy monster put all the carrots and peas in your drink. It was incredible.” says the innocent princess.

“Really” says the King. “Where did he come from?”

“Right there,” explains the small, young girl as she points to the sliding glass door. “He opened the door, said ‘Hi Delaney. Hi Cooper.’ And, started making a mess”

“The creepy monster could talk?” asks the man with the crown (dunce cap) on his head.

“It was amazing Daddy. And, he knew our names.” says the petite one with the wild (and incredibly descriptive) imagination.

The young prince nods in agreement. Then, he chimes in “Mazin’ Daddy. Cweepy Monsta frowed me pasta on da floors.”

“So, let me guess this straight you two. Mommy and Daddy had to leave the room for 2 minutes. In that time, a creepy monster entered the kitchen thru the back door, took all of Delaney’s veggies, and tossed them into my water. Then, the creepy monster, who knew your names, went over to Cooper’s plate, and just threw it on the ground for no reason. And finally, this creepy monster, decided it was time to leave, just before mommy and daddy came back to the table. And, he did all of this in just two minutes?” asks the surprised King.

“Yes, Daddy, that’s right. It’s a true story.” says the incredibly cute 3 year old princess. The young prince with the big blue eyes stares directly at the King, and says “Yep. Dee End.”

And, the family of four lived happily ever after.

Dee End.

(This post is reprinted as it did not automatically make the transition from our old site.)