I remember being young, six or seven maybe, and trying to learn to ride a bike without training wheels. I stared down the expanse of our Wisconsin driveway, the bike wobbling below me, and I remember my heart banging in my chest.
“This is too hard,” I said to my dad as he stood by my side, ready to run the length of the rod before us holding onto my seat. He smiled and gave me a wink.
“Hard is okay,” he said. “You’ve just got to try.”
Hard is okay.
Doubt crept in, softly when I wasn’t even aware it was happening. Suddenly, those obstacles that I once considered mere challenges seemed more like red flags.
“It’s too hard!” my brain screamed. “You’re a grown up now! Be reasonable! If it’s difficult it must be wrong!”
On and on the cycle went until I found myself almost paralyzed with fear. Suddenly any situation that felt too difficult, from moving to finding a new job to having more children to trying to publish a book in an oversaturated market, felt like a warning to stop.
And the root of this struggle was a desire to remain safe.
I feared making the wrong decision because I didn’t want to put my family in jeopardy. I took opposition to some of the big decisions in life as some sort of sign that I was making the wrong choice.
Another rejection of my proposal? Maybe I’m not supposed to do this.
People think I’m crazy to discuss adoption? Maybe it’s the wrong choice for our family.
My husband taking that job means a cross country move, which means saying goodbye to people we love dearly? Maybe it’s a bad idea.
On and on, the doubts rolled over me like waves on a windy day. I’d come up for air and take in the sight of the blue sky above, gulping in a few deep breaths for just a few moments before I’d get hit with another wave of doubt.
Until I decided to stop fighting.
I got up early one morning last year and I sat on my back porch, nursing a cup of coffee and thinking over the last five years of decisions, and something lovely dawned on me.
Every decision we made had turned out well.
Some of them were painful, yes. A cross country move hurt for a very long time. It took two years to stop questioning whether we had made the right choice. But ultimately we have made some of the dearest relationships in our new town, and I cannot imagine having gone through life without knowing these people.
A terminated adoption left us reeling, my heart torn and seemingly irreparable for a time. But without that experience, we never would have had our fourth child, the little girl with gigantic princess eyes and a personality as big as the sky.
All those rejections of my book proposal felt like a stab to the heart, but they only made the “Yes” from a publisher sweeter. And that book, the one that so many passed on, is now up for two Christy Awards. It just needed to right time to make its way into the world.
And so as I sat on my porch and sipped softly, I watched the sun peek up over the tree line in our backyard, and I knew that all the hard times were really just gifts.
Hard doesn't mean wrong. Hard just means hard.Click To TweetEvery painful moment led to something sweet.
Are you walking through something difficult right now? Are you facing a decision that feels overwhelming, or looking opposition in the eye and wondering if you made a bad choice? Can I give you this encouragement?
Hard doesn’t mean wrong. Hard just means hard.
Sometimes those difficult moments in life are meant to refine us, to shape and mold us as we move through life.
Sometimes those difficult moments are meant to stop us, to keep us from making a bad choice or protect us from unforeseen danger.
Sometimes those hard moments in life lead us directly into a painful time so that we can come out stronger and wiser.
And sometimes the hard moments are simply a gift. On the other side is something we never would have dreamed or expected, and we never would have known if we weren’t willing to walk the hard path.
Life isn’t easy. It’s hard and it’s painful, and it is filled with options and decisions that can feel overwhelming.
But hard doesn’t mean wrong. Hard just means hard.
Are you facing a hard decision or circumstance today? Can you see the gift in the middle of your dilemma?
I LOVE this! In my experience, hard usually means RIGHT. The easy way is generally the wrong way. It’s far easier to do the right thin in almost any aspect of life than it is to do the wrong thing.
This is so true.. there are so many times we have to fight for the things that are right and that really matter. I was adopted by my grandmother and she had to battle for many years to do so. It makes it so worth it in the end!
Oh my goodness – I love that your grandmother made the beautiful decision to adopt you. I imagine the path wasn’t always easy, but clearly worth it. What a lovely life example she set for you.
I agree with this post a lot! I once feared what things meant when it was harder than I hoped. Did it mean I failed? Was it a sign? I have come to accept each situation as it is and take the best lessons I can from it.
You live as I do – worrying about some decisions, but hopeful to take away the greatest and most valuable lessons.
You make an excellent analogy to life and learning to ride a bike. Too many times, we look for the easy way out – or just give up. When we throw out a challenge like that, though, we are passing up the opportunity for growth and skill development.
Kelli’s perspective is always so lovely – she has a way of making the beautiful and challenging moments relatable.
Thank you for that. Truly.
I really love this. It’s always been my experience that when things are too easy, it means I’m missing something and it’s when things are hard that we learn the most from those experiences because those experiences are right.
I like your way of looking at this – if it is too easy, it may not be the correct path OR be may not have the opportunity to learn as we should.
Yes. A mentor of mine once said that worthy goals are rarely easily attained. The hard path generally means you’re going in the right direction!
Wow, this was such an awesome read. I totally agree with you. I find it extremely hard to be an entrepreneur, but I know that hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong. And I know that it will begin to reap great rewards. Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you for your kind words – Kelli is an inspirational writer – her words always give me a beautiful perspective.
Thank you for reading, Sapphire! What a beautiful name, by the way! 🙂
Like I always say if it wasn’t hard everybody would be doing it. Taking shortcuts just never works out in the end. I still believe that hard work and doing the right thing is the way to go. Thanks for sharing your story.
I absolutely agree with you. Doing the ‘right thing’ is a huge component of being on the correct (and happy) path.
What a great quote- and so true! I’ve found that sometimes doing the right thing is really the hard thing.
I’ve told my daughter the same thing – sometimes the ‘right’ decision is the very hardest.
I try to change my perspective when I am having difficult moments. Taking a step back can help you decide what to do. As long as you learn something then the difficult moments are worth it.
I couldn’t agree more. Whether your current path is an easy or hard one, there are always lessons to be learned.
Great post! Hard doesn’t mean wrong, hard means you have a goal and you aim for it, wether it brings you struggles and doubts along the way, it’s not wrong!
YES! I love your perspective – setting the goal and working hard to achieve it.
I love it! Thanks for sharing. Sometimes, I really need to read something like this to get through the hards bumps of life!
So appreciate you being here, Jesse. Kelli’s words always resonate with me as well.
I’m glad it could bring you some encouragement!
This is so true. It is good to be able to remember that sometimes is ok to work harder for your goals and never give up
I love the reminder as well. Too often it is ‘easier’ to shy away from the ‘hard’.
We have taken so many leaps of faith in life like moving across the country where we know no one, and starting our own business. Everything has worked out before so I feel good about our next life-changing decision to move to the country.
Good for you! Some of the biggest leaps seem to offer us the most beautiful life experiences. Good luck on your move.
Good luck to you in your next big endeavor!
I really love this! What a wonderful post. I love how positive this is. Hard work is never easy and I agree about it not being wrong.
Thank you, Kathy. Kelli is an extremely talented writer.
Thank you, Kathy!
such an inspiring post! I agree, hard just means hard. challenges are what make us who we are and we shouldn’t be set back because something is difficult.
I so agree – and a lesson I’m trying to teach my small people as well.
I think as we age, we slowly find realizations like this. You’re definitely right, some of the hardest decisions have been the best ones.
Ah, yes. Age brings more than just grey hair and fine lines, doesn’t it? 🙂 Thanks Wendy!
I guess I hadn’t ever slowed to think about the details like this before. I couldn’t agree more, hard decisions are hard but not always wrong because they’re hard.
This is such a great way of looking at it. As a former teacher, I found teachers were always telling their students that hard work pays off but then when it came to their own struggles, when things were hard they took it as a sign that it “wasn’t meant to be”. Hard can still be the right thing.
I totally agree with you, I’ve had some hard times in life. They helped me become who I am today. They made me stronger and taught me valued lessons.
Yes, life isn’t easy and there will always be ups and downs. But those trials are what make us stronger and better.