I Just Know

It may have been the woozy feeling.

It could have been the tenderness in my breasts.

It might have been my bloodhound nose.

But, whatever it was…..  I knew.

And not a wishy-washy-maybe-might-be-could-be….

This was a DEFINITE-I-KNOW.

With both small people, I KNEW my body was shifting…adjusting….accommodating…making room for another PERSON.

And now, I know something else.

I’m done.

I have two, beautiful-healthy-fabulous-wonderful-crazy-small-people.

And it is enough.

I could give you a litany of reasons.  I’m over 35. A pregnancy now would be a High Risk pregnancy. I almost died during child-birth (True.  And a story for another day).  I have a boy and a girl. Our family of four just works.  I don’t want to go back to the baby stage.  Things are just now getting easier.  I didn’t love being pregnant.  I have no desire to have my kidneys and liver punched by tiny fists.

But not one of those really matters when stacked up against this:

My family is complete.

I have two small people:  Delaney and Cooper.  And I’m good -great-supercalifragilistic-about it.

I swear.

I JUST KNOW.

About a year ago, when I first started to hint that I *might* be done having kids, my mom said, “Just know that the longing to have more will likely never go away – and you just have to be ok with it.”

Here’s the thing….  the Longing is LONG gone.  Really.

I don’t miss that new baby smell.  My breasts don’t ache around newborns.  My loins don’t flutter when I pass a baby store.  I don’t miss the baby kicking when my stomach growls.

And I get it…..  this all makes me, maybe, slightly unusual.  I have a LOT of friends who are still contemplating.  And they might be contemplating for a long time.

But, I will be honest…  the KNOWING is extremely peaceful.

And peace is all I can ask for.

Especially as Jeff makes good on that appointment he had. With Dr. Shnip.  Today.

Wish him luck.  And many bags of frozen peas.