Just more than two years ago, my husband’s uncle passed away. He was a full presence in my children’s world, a bigger-than-life man who we visited for every major holiday and who was never short on a quick hair tousle or a good-natured tease. They didn’t see him every weekend, but they SAW him, they felt him. They knew him. His passing was a surprise and it left a void. That void still exists.
This was the first loss our family had experienced. As their mother, I felt ill-equipped to help them navigate what was sure to be a rocky road.
How was I to answer the questions, the whys, I still struggle with as an adult?
Why did this happen?
Is Heaven for Real?
This week my small people and I had a conversation about this very topic. Together we watched a movie with a similar title, Heaven Is For Real, just before it was released on DVD. (It is now out and one I recommend you see.) With the opportunity to see it as a preview, we snuggled on the couch and watched the true story of four-year old Colton Burpo who claims to have visited Heaven during a near-death experience. Colton’s shares his amazing journey first with his father Todd, a Pastor – recounting details of things that happened before his birth – things he couldn’t possibly have known. The story challenges not only this family, but their community, to think deeply about what they know of life and death.
As I sat, arms wrapped around my children, eight and ten years old, I couldn’t help but think of what little they know of life and death….and how important it is that I, as a parent, am delicate with them in how I talk to them about it. It took me back two years, to our loss.
What did I do right? And what could I have done better?
As children sometimes do, they initially seemed perfectly fine, unmoved by the circumstances, even. We attended a Memorial Service for Uncle Denny. They shed no tears. They played with their cousins. They looked at pictures. They asked no questions there or on the way home.
But it all changed when we arrived home. As I walked in to their rooms individually to check on their PJ progress, I found them each on their floor in tears.
Why?
Is he in heaven?
I miss him.
I sat and held them. I know this was the right thing to do, but I know now there is more. And part of what I know came from talking to THEM after watching Heaven is for Real. For my 5 thoughts on ways to talk to your kids about life and loss….visit me over on SheKnows where I’m writing all about this...
I look forward to hearing your thoughts…
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