It started small.
A headache.
A small wish, “Mommy…will you please rub right here?”, he asked….pointing to both temples….his eyes squeezed shut against the pain I know can rob even a little person of a wish for light and sound.
Six months ago, I merely thought headache. Not migraine. My poor buddy…. that smile I live for would disappear each time.
And then he would.
Sleep.
For a minimum of two hours.
But sometimes for as many as twelve.
Once in April. Once in mid-May.
Three times in the past week.
And then the tremors started.
Standing at home plate, waiting for the pitch, my eleven year old was terrified to realize he couldn’t hold his bat still – no matter how hard he tried. A swing and a miss was a gift. Quenching the roar in his ears, fighting the fear in the back of his throat – that was the real battle.
Basketball training later that day. Same bat time. Same bat channel.
Look….I’m wasn’t going to WebMD this one….I could handle the migraines. But the tremors? Nope.
A call to our pediatrician validated my concerns. They wouldn’t even wait until Coop’s dad was back in town the next day. Our appointment was set for a few hours later….and resulted in a scheduled MRI that everyone hoped would allow us all to sleep at night.
That MRI was scheduled for Thursday at 9:30am.
I was scheduled to be on a 7:00am flight to Orlando for a conference. BlogHer.
I wanted to go. I wanted to be surrounded by my people. To learn, to meet new people.
But not as much as I wanted my little bitty buddy to know that I will never let him go through something scary without me.
I can’t tell you if I was there 100% for him…because, damn….I was definitely there for me too.
That Thursday morning MRI was pushed to Friday afternoon. Waiting that additional 36 hours was hard. I found myself constantly searching his face…watching for any signs the pain was returning – grabbing his hands – hating each time as I felt a slight shake or a stronger one.
I have chosen work over baseball games and softball games. I love my work and my small people know I will occasionally miss moments, but I will always be there when they need me. When Coop and Delaney rewind to the biggest, the toughest, the happiest and the scariest, I want to believe that they will remember I was on the sidelines or I was right there holding their hand.
The good news – the doctor called – my buddy’s beautiful brain is clear.
The challenging news – his symptoms – the headaches and the tremors – are, so far, persisting. If they do continue for the next month – our next step will be to visit a neurologist. While I don’t love not having answers – and I definitely don’t love seeing him struggle in any capacity – I’m at least grateful some of the scariest options have been eliminated.
And I was there when they were.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry that your little buddy is going through this. Sending prayers and positive thoughts.
Thank you so very much, my friend. I hate not having answers, but I’m definitely grateful his scan was clear. xo
Oh honey! I am sending so much love to you and C!
You are the very best – I hated to miss you, but I’m hoping I will see you again soon. And thank you. You are always such a support. I’m grateful for you.
Praying for your family and for answers. SO very hard. You are a good mama.
I’m grateful for you, my friend. Thank you. It doesn’t always feel like it…but I’m trying. xoxo
Oh love, so glad this was clear. We’ve dealt with/are dealing with similar are it’s heart wrenching. I wish migraines were not something I’d passed down to my children. Hoping for answers for you.
Thank you so much. I’m incredibly glad it was clear too – and YES – migraines are so hard – I get them too – that’s why I recognized the symptoms…but I just want to know what is causing everything else 🙁
So sorry that your sweet boy is going through all this, and you as well. One of the toughest things about being a parent is not being able to take your child’s pain away. Praying they find answers for you – the unknown is very scary.
oh friend – THAT is it exactly. I spent the entire time sitting next to him in the MRI hoping to transfer his hurt to me. Thank you for being here.
This is hard stuff, but I’m so glad that scan came back clear. What a relief! Here’s hoping the rest subsides as easily as it came.
Thank you. Yes – it is such a relief. I do hate not having answers, but as you said, I’m hoping it subsides. I can handle headaches – even migraines – I’ve had then for 20+ years, so I can help, but I struggle with worrying about other symptoms and the unknown. Again…thank you.
Oh I’m so sorry you’re both going through this. Sending you both prayers and hugs! I know how hard the waiting can be but know you’re not alone.
You are so truly kind – thank you very much. It helps more thank you know.
I don’t like that Coop is going through this but I’m grateful he’s ok and had such a wonderful mom by his side!
I’m grateful to have friends like you with the kindness and love you give me – and my buddy – thank you.
Such a crushingly honest line: ” I can’t tell you if I was there 100% for him…because, damn….I was definitely there for me too.” Such a beautifully written post about worry, about love, about being there, about not knowing.
Oh goodness – thank you. It is all just how I feel. I worry even having him away at a friend’s house over night – every time I get a text, I’m worried the headaches have come back or that the tremors have increased. I suppose until I have answers, I’m going to feel this way. Thank you for being here. xo
Oh my gosh. This made me cry…I’ve had my share of little boy scares, but must admit, now that he’s 15, he takes incredible care of his mama because he knows how fierce, yet fragile my love for him is. I also know how terrible migraines are, because I’ve suffered since my pregnancy, 15 years ago. I’d get them from stress and barometric pressure and sometimes just because. When it was at its worst, I would take an anti-inflammatory + muscle relaxant + anti-nausea pill. I’d have to sleep for at least 90 minutes and a good up-chuck would usually go a long way to resolve it sooner. I had shoulder pain all the time, taking about 3 codeine pills a week, lots of shoulder rubs from the boy and his dad, essential oils… NOTHING WORKED. But 3 months ago, to the day, I relented and went to a chiropractor. He found that I had a neck injury from birth (along with some other issue – shorter left side, shoulder injury from 5 years ago, very tight upper back muscles, etc.). I went for 2 sessions in week one, then a session a week for the rest of the month, then spaced 2 weeks, then 3 weeks. He did adjustments to my neck and spine, laser therapy, acupressure and acupuncture and it felt ahmaaazing! I’ve only had one mild migraine during this time – I was able to work and function the whole weekend (chiro was closed!). I did take a codeine, but it didn’t really help. Well, it’s now a month and 2 days – the third most stressful period in my life – and I’ve not had a headache at all. It’s been a God-send. Please do consider taking Coop to a good, reputable chiro who specializes in kids / sports for a second opinion.
Thank you so very much for your suggestions – I’m so happy to hear you are experiencing such incredible relief – that is amazing! I hope you continue to feel wonderful.
Well, that’s terrifying. We working moms seem to know when to bail on work things and when we need to work. Just listen to your gut. There’s no way you would have gone to BlogHer Glad he’s clear. Hopefully it’s nothing xo
You’re right – there is no way I could have gone. I knew Jeff would be there with him. But I also knew Coop would be without me and I would be without him. And that just wasn’t ok with me. Thank you for being here. xo
Oh my goodness… how absolutely terrifying. I’m happy to hear you’ve had some good news though… and I pray that you’ll get more answers and that his symptoms will stop.
Quite terrifying to some level.
Oh my gosh. Tearing up as I read. Prayers for your sweet boy, Danielle. Please keep us updated so we know how to pray.